Posts in Indonesia
34 - Very Merry Ferry From Maumere (Flores to Java, Indonesia)
34 - Very Merry Ferry From Maumere (Flores to Java, Indonesia)

But wait, there’s more. Not all about shitting. It’s also a default rest stop for much of the world. No chair? Pop a squat in Camelot. Prolonged squatting fosters healthy hips by forcing us to exploit a full range of motion. Do this consistently and you’re much less likely to suffer hip pathology over a lifetime. Every bit helps. In our modern bubbles, it’s possible to go weeks or years without ever dropping below parallel. And your body knows. Use it or lose it. Not gonna take advantage? Well then, I’ll tighten here and restrict there to conserve energy. Years pass and we become like the Tin Man sans oil can…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Maumere, Squatty Potty
33 - Kelimutu National Park (Flores, Indonesia)
33 - Kelimutu National Park (Flores, Indonesia)

On that note, the locals believe Kelimutu is, in fact, sacred and inhabited by souls of the departed. I have to admit, souls could do a lot worse. The billeting is portioned by age and measurement on the naughty/nice scale. The forthright souls of youth go to Tiwu Numa Muri Koo Fai (turquoise lake), the righteous aged to Tiwi Ata Mbupu (dark green lake), and the naughty candidates from both groups are destined to spend eternity in Tiwi Ata Polo (black lake). The sign on the trail lacked specifics on age cutoffs and maximum sin allowance, but if I flung myself into the turquoise goo on that day, I’d like to think I had a reasonable chance of making the cut…allegedly…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Flores, Kelimutu National Park
32 - Mosquito Massacre & The Lost Ferry Of Ende (Flores, Indonesia)
32 - Mosquito Massacre & The Lost Ferry Of Ende (Flores, Indonesia)

Fine. I knew there was a boat. Definitely. Without a doubt. Ende? Maumere? Somewhere, someway, someday. Ende has a harbor. Harbor equals boats. With this infallible logic as my sword, I soldiered on. Near the harbor entrance were two small shops with signs for the Dharma II and Dharma Recana both leaving from Ende (where I was) to Surabaya (where I almost wanted to be). I inquired inside. Those boats neither leave from nor pass through Ende. Why would they? For that I must go to Maumere. Just to be clear, there were ticket offices manned by personnel not selling tickets to boats…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Flores, Ende
31 - Inielika & Wogo (Bajawa, Flores, Indonesia)
31 - Inielika & Wogo (Bajawa, Flores, Indonesia)

Believe it or not, there was a volcano nearby. Weird. Don’t find many of those in Indonesia. Welcome to the Anus of Fire. It’s huge. This one was quiet but had potential. There were eruptions in 1905, 1908, and 2001. The January 2001 eruption spilled lava, charred a few acres, and dusted Bajawa with a light smattering of ash. Inielika is a complex volcano, meaning t has numerous craters spread over 190 sq km. Its highest point is a 1559 km caldera. I’ve never met a volcano that didn’t interest me, so I deemed a visit necessary. I hired a guide for a peek and as a chaperone to an old-school Ngada village…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Flores, Bajawa, Inielika, Wogo, Papua New Guinea, Ngada people, Ngadu, Bhaga
30 - Panic & Pessimism (Komodo National Park, Indonesia)
30 - Panic & Pessimism (Komodo National Park, Indonesia)

Our first dive required a furious descent to avoid being swept away. Paddling my balls off to the sea floor was the appetizer. Bottom currents kept the fun alive. Undersea rock climbing, anyone? That was my impression as I grasped for one rock and then another against the flow. It was exhausting, and I was in trouble from the start. The descent took it out of me and I never really caught up to my breath. How can I describe the feeling? Put on a snorkel and mask. Sprint up twelve flights of stairs. Sprinkle in a moderate to severe impending sensation of doom. Breathe normally. Calm the fuck down.…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Komodo National Park, Castle Rock, Flores, Scuba Diving
29 - A Dance With Dragons (Komodo National Park, Indonesia)
29 - A Dance With Dragons (Komodo National Park, Indonesia)

There have been numerous attacks through the years. (See article below). A month before our arrival, a fisherman was killed and others wounded in an unprovoked assault. Dragons have been known to spice up their diet when watering holes dry up. No water, no prey. Two months earlier, a ranger in the very station where we stood experienced the dragon’s wrath. Allegedly, the cleaning crew left the door to the stilted hut open, so one ascended (probably looking for a snack). When the Ranger Maen sat at his desk and glanced below…

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Batch 6, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Komodo National Park, Komodo Island, Rinca Island, Komodo Dragons
28 - Vänskap, Chicken Rants, & Jargon Dance (Labuan Bajo, Flores, Indonesia)
28 - Vänskap, Chicken Rants, & Jargon Dance (Labuan Bajo, Flores, Indonesia)

If we could speak to chickens, I assume we’d be able to talk to goats and cows as well. I would certainly treasure their input. Would they blame the chicken for glamorizing an act of potential suicide? I wonder because it’s clear to me goats refuse to be outdone by something as insignificant as a flightless bird. They aren’t content with merely crossing the road. They take it up a notch and linger for as long as possible before relenting. That is, of course, if they relent. There appears to be an elite brand of thrill-seeking goat…

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Batch 5, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Flores, Labuan Bajo, Port Moresby
27 - Hey Mister, It’s Election Day! (Bima, Sumbawa, Indonesia)
27 - Hey Mister, It’s Election Day! (Bima, Sumbawa, Indonesia)

Destination? Democracy, bitches. I experienced polling station ping pong as I was ferried from one voting depot to another (eight in all). My celebrity status mushroomed, almost atomically one might say. I wasn’t just the center of attention, I was a major distraction, much to the chagrin of polling agents. Pretty sure I made official government-types nervous. Snapping a shitload of photos didn’t help. Voters, on the other hand, were loving it—saying hello, smiling incessantly, demanding I include them. And yet…

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Batch 5, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Sumbawa, Bima, Indonesian Elections
26 - Island Cruise (Sumbawa, Indonesia)
26 - Island Cruise (Sumbawa, Indonesia)

The Lonely Planet described the main road as “surfaced all the way and in generally good shape”. Close. Mostly surfaced. The sections that weren’t really weren’t. If I was lazy, I’d describe it as lunar in spots, but I’ve never been to the moon, and the cliché is, well, clichéd. Sections were bad, but they were the exception, not the rule. 

Here’s my non-exhaustive list of perceived hazards: Potholes, bigger potholes, rock piles, sand piles, goats, horses, cows, monkeys, chickens, more goats, shadowy…

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Batch 5, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Sumbawa
25 - Futile Intrigue (Sumbawa Besar, Sumbawa, Indonesia)
25 - Futile Intrigue (Sumbawa Besar, Sumbawa, Indonesia)

These random encounters are why I pine away for days on the road. Something about those kinds of exchanges that make the world, the people in it, and even I, feel more real, more substantial. The connection. The mutual curiosity. That’s why I was there. That’s why I threw it all away. It’s a drug, and I was addicted. However, my feelings of eating cow brain were slightly more ambivalent. But I had to do it. I just had to. In that moment, I earned a stranger’s respect and trust. I joined his tribe …

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Batch 5, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Sumbawa, Sumbawa Besar
24 - Crazy-Rich Decadent Asshole (Kuta, Lombok, Indonesia)
24 - Crazy-Rich Decadent Asshole (Kuta, Lombok, Indonesia)

Normandy and I spent a night recuperating at a small hotel in Senaru. You could say we became better “acquainted.” Our relationship was good, but “la lune de miel était finie” as they say. Our “Soup de Amour” had a shelf life of about four days. The first few spoonfuls were delicious, but shit got bitter at the bottom.

A few doors down, there was an eighty-four-year-old American guest from Rochester, New York…

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Batch 5, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Lombok, Kuta, Honda Phantom
23 - Mt. Rinjani Before The Shake (Lombok, Indonesia)
23 - Mt. Rinjani Before The Shake (Lombok, Indonesia)

Even without a major catastrophe and threat of death, Rinjani was a real asshole. I found the going slow, the pace grueling. Although the volcano is described as such in the tourist literature, I had hoped to fare better. The reviews are often written with the lowest common denominator in mind. I aspired to be farther along on the bell curve. Nuh-uh. My ego likes to think I wasn’t at a hundred percent. It began with a fever which I’d hope to quell with 800mg of ibuprofen. Nuh-uh. Fatigue set in early on, at a much lower… 

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Lombok, Mt. Rinjani, Senaru
22 - Vortex to Vortex (Gili Trawangan, Lombok, Indonesia)
22 - Vortex to Vortex (Gili Trawangan, Lombok, Indonesia)

I saw boatloads of octopuses, but they were always antisocial, refusing to cavort. Most species are harmless and curious, so I thought we’d get along famously. I made overtures but my guide reprimanded me via underwater whistle and finger wag. Probably for the best. My enthusiasm got the better of me. I was only thinking of myself, not the octopus minding his own bloody business. Saw plenty of cuttlefish (a close relative) as well. Amazing creatures are these. They hover in one place and…

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacBali, Ubud, Lombok, Gili Islands, Gili TRawangan, Indonesia
21 - Adventures In Coprophilia (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)
21 - Adventures In Coprophilia (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)

Speaking of shit, I drank some. Well, not really, but I did have two small cups of Kopi Luwak. This coffee is ground from beans that have passed through the intestines of the Asian Palm Civet. Why is this brew so shitty and delicious? Apparently, it’s the chemical and biological miracle of civet digestion. The cherries pass through unscathed, perfectly primed to dazzle your taste buds.

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, Ubud, Kopi Luwak, Asian Civet Cat
20 - Immigration Enigma (Bali, Indonesia)
20 - Immigration Enigma (Bali, Indonesia)

And let me be clear. I am not a moron…mostly. I saw the potential snafu in this scheme. Island hop in Indonesia without my passport while placing tremendous faith in my friends at Balimode. Inordinate. How inordinate? Well, they had to keep track of all rolling expirations and allow enough time to process each renewal. They had to remove passports from the safe and hand deliver them to the immigration office in Denpasar and then return them to Ubud. I had to trust this would all run like clockwork. No snags.

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, immigration, visa, Ubud
19 - Underbelly Bali (Black Magic, Indonesia)
19 - Underbelly Bali (Black Magic, Indonesia)

After the aide recovered a couple hours later (no memory of the incident), she claimed to know who had done this to her. No question about it. An adversary orchestrated her possession, and she knew the responsible party. Payback time. Duuum-duh-dum-duuum…duuuuuuummm! I was told if I questioned any expatriate living long-term in Bali as to whether they believed in magic, the answer would be unanimous: As sure as god made little green apples. The Pope does shit in the Vatican.

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, Ubud, Black Magic
18 - Sand In The Hourglass (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)
18 - Sand In The Hourglass (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)

Goddamn social butterfly. That was me. I spent more time with Cyrus, whiling away an evening or two with stimulating conversation and spectacular sunset vistas. He was renting a place smack dab in the rice fields. You might say the only thing missing was artificially colored baby chickens, but you’d be wrong. We had those. They’re sold on the street and are popular during festival time, which means all the time because there’s a festival for everything. PETA members would not…

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Batch 4, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, Ubud, Kuta
17 - Phantom of the Honda (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)
17 - Phantom of the Honda (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)

Nothing aids neuroticism like fear of the unknown. Pretend time was fun, but I was no mechanic. I figured I should have a real one do a service check (Honda dealership in Denpasar). And then I had another service check (small Ubud shop) to check out the first service check. Check? The dealership missed brake pads worn to the metal and an aged master cylinder. This is odd. Did they not miss an opportunity to bilk a gringo? Or did they switch out newer parts for bad? 

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Batch 3, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, Ubud, Honda Phantom
16 - Rotating With Cyrus Copeland (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)
16 - Rotating With Cyrus Copeland (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)

This meeting, held at a Ubud restaurant, was brimming with odd right from the git-go. Cyrus and I are tall fellows, and on this night, both happened to be wearing black t-shirts. That was sufficient for repeated instances of mistaken identity, me for him…and two for tea.

Cyrus’ Rotary Club liaison, the woman who organized the presentation…

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Batch 3, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIndonesia, Bali, Ubud, Rotary Club, Cyrus Copeland
15 - Cremate This (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)
15 - Cremate This (Ubud, Bali, Indonesia)

I saw things. Mildly unsettling things. Bali is tropical. Balmy. People get warm. Children swim. A group of kids went for a dip in an irrigation/drainage ditch along the road next to a rice field. Didn’t see a cremation, but I did witness nude boys splash around in, what I can only assume, was exceedingly filthy water. Highlights? Well, one kid took a prolonged aqua squat which could only mean one thing: Poopy time…

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Batch 3, Indonesiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacBali, Ubud, Cremation Ceremony, Indonesia