161 - Suspicious Minds (Tunis, Tunisia)
EUROPE WAS A DETOUR PREMISED on an ill-advised romantic gamble. In Tbilisi, I experienced an existential crisis, so I reached out to a friend. A female friend. A female friend I’d previously dated. You get the picture. To Denmark, I went… and let my wee-wee dictate my actions. Dumb. Ass.
I enjoyed the diversion, an extended respite for a weary traveler punctuated with creature comforts. I relaxed and soaked up some modernity (rode a bicycle on an actual bike path, drank Starbucks incessantly, went to the movies, etc.). In the process, I visited friends from past and present sojourns. The pause was welcome, but my restless nature soon overwhelmed complacency. It was too familiar. Time to eject.
I landed in North Africa, Tunisia to be precise, after coming across an online article and thinking, I wonder what Tunisia’s like? I knew little, which made it all the more appealing. The transition would be stark, but not jarring. Millions of Europeans flocked there on holiday each year, so it seemed like an ideal place to ease my transition toward the exotic. I was confident, with effort, I could escape the hoards and experience Tunisia’s roads less traveled.
The weather in Tunisia’s capital, Tunis, was exquisite, befitting its Mediterranean locale. I felt at ease as I left the airport. My arrival coincided with the end of Ramadan and the start of Eid ul-Fitr, celebrating Ramadan’s conclusion and an end to fasting. In more traditional Muslim countries (especially those where religion and politics are synonymous), it can be tricky for tourists during holidays, as almost all shops, businesses, and restaurants are closed and relevant services non-existent. This wasn’t the case in Tunis. It was, more or less, open for business. My biggest worry centered on recent news back home. A certain dipshit pastor in Florida was threatening to have a Quran burning jubilee as part of a twisted September 11th remembrance ceremony. The Muslim world was keeping a close eye on the situation. Tunisia was no exception.
Did it make sense for some idiot with a congregation of less than a hundred sub-idiots to receive worldwide attention for an act of sheer idiocy that should be wholly inconsequential? Thank you, mass media. You gave Pastor Asshead exactly what he wanted, inflaming hundreds of millions of people for no reason. Awesome. Thankfully, Pastor Douchenozzle relented. Not sure what I would’ve experienced had folks been presented with images of Islam's holy text going up in flames. I had little desire to be the de facto spokesman for a handful of religious nuts.
Clueless once again. Nothing like an alien environment to awaken the senses. The “stare factor” was low, as tourists pour in from Europe to hit the beaches, most shuffling from buses in large groups. Still, if you walk a few blocks off the main drag (Habib Bourguiba) or stay away from the Medina of Tunis, you’ll find few fanny-pack-toting travelers, and feel like you’re on your own, at least at that time of the year.
I revived one of my favorite pastimes: talking to shifty-looking strangers on the street. Enter Rashid. I was in search of grub when he approached and struck up a conversation. One thing led to another, and he offered to chaperone me to a local haunt for some traditional Tunisian fare. And yes, I know it sounds sketchy, but there was little to fear in broad daylight with so many around.
Rashid brought me to a veritable hole in the wall and was kind enough to present me with some delicious Tunisian food (spaghetti with the signature chili paste, tomato/cucumber salad, and chicken). Not far into our conversation, my Spidey-sense began to tingle. He had some interesting body scars he was none too shy about showcasing. I was told he acquired them during his military career. And utterances like “I like fuck girls and smoke hash” did nothing to dispel my suspicions. (He offered to introduce me to some ladies as well). When I inquired as to the danger of obtaining illicit substances, his reply was something like “Police no problem, I just fight them. They leave us alone.” Um, ‘kay. The main languages in Tunisia are Arabic and French, so it was a challenge deciphering Rashid’s rudimentary English.
After I finished, he refused to let me pay. I neglected to note the price, which became important later. We then went to a bar next to a five-star hotel (Hotel Africa) for a couple of beers. I can't think of a more appropriate way for Muslims to celebrate the end of Ramadan than with alcohol. Although alcohol is available, it’s not widespread. The place was packed. Not long after sitting, the attempted screwing a la Rashid began. He asked me for money to pay for the beer. (I deemed this a reasonable request considering he paid for my meal). He insisted on paying the bill (with my money) himself as, he explained, it was he that brought me there and, per Arabic social mores, it’s customary for the host to pay. This meant he’d use the money I gave him to pay a bill I would never see, so he could save face in front of… who? Right. Why not just ask me to bend over? He was asking for double, so he could pocket the rest. And then he requested money for the meal he'd provided earlier. For that, he wanted eight times the price. Even though I was in the dark, I was pretty sure noodles, a piece of chicken, and a bit of salad would not cost $15. (Actual price? $1.70).
His explanation? It's Ramadan. Everything is more expensive. Uh-huh. When I protested, he said I talked too much and implied I was embarrassing him. He also insulted me in a most bewildering way. After seeing the check (he tried to conceal it) and calling him a liar (perhaps not such a good call), he said he liked George Bush. Ouch, that hurts. Low blow. Thems fightin' words.
I did pay for the beers (I was foolish enough to sit down with the jackass), but it turned out to be less than half of what he told me. As I had spent six hours on a bus followed by a night in the Frankfurt airport before my Tunis flight, I was pooped. I went back to my hotel and crashed. Not such a propitious beginning.
A strange thing has happened since my Tunisia visit—the world has lost its shit. Even before Covid upended our world, the Arab Spring upended the Middle East. I missed the “festivities” by about a month. Some would say I dodged a bullet, but I can’t help feeling like I missed the boat. How often do you have the chance to watch history unfold from the front row? It’s interesting for me to read about my experiences at the time. Yes, I could almost taste repression in the air, but if you told me the powder keg was about to ignite, I’d have been incredulous in the extreme. Yet, there it was, boiling just beneath the surface. Keep this in mind when reading my Tunisia posts. It makes for a fascinating subtext.
No matter where you go, there you are. Nothing summarizes Tunisia’s political history over the last decade more succinctly. The country shed its authoritarian dictator (Ben Ali) of over twenty years, established a parliamentary government, wrote a constitution, elected a president, so on and so forth—the whole nine yards. In July of 2021, the current president, Kris Saied, “shut down parliament, dismissed the government and moved to rule by decree before rewriting the constitution – moves his critics called a coup that pulled apart the democracy built after a 2011 revolution.” The more things change, the more they stay the same. Déjà vu all over again.
Tourism took a huge hit in 2015 after two terrorist attacks at the Bardo Museum and Sousse beachfront. Still, the tourists returned. The Covid pandemic decimated tourism in 2020 and 2021, but numbers have thus risen since, though not to pre-Covid levels. Tunisia was, and still is, considered generally safe for tourists… probably. Tourist hotspots seem to be fairly secure, though I’m not sure I would repeat my former itinerary. Constant political instability, severe economic downturns, and a somewhat significant terrorist footprint have me wondering how secure Tunisia is for foreigners. I never felt unsafe during my extensive travels across the country, though, as with just about anywhere, there were, and still are, areas to avoid.