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And then came our run-in with the authorities. At a village stop, Colonel Azerbaijan entered the A.A.V and interviewed us. El Jefe started with me but veered towards Amy when presented with my vapid “I’m-with-her” smile. He examined our passports, then informed her we needed permission to be in the area a la some registration form. She, politely and with diplomatic deftness, gave him the “What-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about' routine. Registration?…
Donkey? It all started with a revelation the government had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to import donkeys from Germany, a testament to rampant corruption. To underscore the absurdity, one of these golden asses held a presser to sing the praises of his new homeland and extol blessings for attaining donkeyhood in Azerbaijan.
Not long after posting the video, Adnan and Emin were accosted by “two well-built men” in…
Though given directions by my Peace Corps sherpas, I managed to miss the mark and bypass the trailhead. I could see my target from afar, so this was of little import. For my insolence, I was forced to cross a river, cut through someone’s backyard, and surmount the steepest hill I could find. Thankfully, the journey was the destination. The forests of northwest Azerbaijan resemble my conception of Robin Hood’s stomping ground. Elfin villages wouldn’t be misplaced, and a “Smurf Crossing” sign would certainly blend…
Adherents circle the building three times before entering, kissing each corner as they pass. Chicken heads adorned a ledge near one corner, a mystery that remains unsolved, at least for me. I inquired, but no one seemed to have the answer. My ignorance made the experience all the more exhilarating.
The church’s sorry condition surprised me. If not for the line of folks stuffing themselves in like the proverbial clown car, I’d have assumed it abandoned.…
The turnout was modest, a consequence of relentless rain (the likely explanation for Mr. Judo Master's absence). Folks, as in a few males of varying ages, showed up in the belief a martial arts expert would share his story followed by a demonstration. One volunteer wanted me to impersonate said Judo master, performing my own creative martial arts exhibition. Although intrigued by the thought of such comical subterfuge, I wasn’t comfortable with it. Besides the threat of destroying the credibility of the volunteers…
The farther south you go, the more it feels like the land the Soviets forgot. (And everyone else, for that matter). As we drove, I wondered if these folks even noticed the Soviet Union’s collapse and Azerbaijan’s independence. Our next intended destination was the petroglyphs of Gobustan, but a wrong turn led to the boulder-strewn lower slopes of Mt. Kichik Dash. Although we didn’t realize it, we’d found Qara-Atli Baba Pir or “Cave of the Black Horse Grandpa” (according to the all-knowing guidebook). It’s reputed to be a place of miracles, a pilgrimage site for…
Starting a business (especially for foreigners) is like becoming a prostitute. To make money, you have to get screwed. Doing well? Business a success? Don't let it show. Before you know it, you’ll have regulators performing the proverbial colorectal exam. I met a gentleman working for the World Bank who said his office tried to acquire a list of safety code regulations to ensure compliance. The relevant regulatory ministry told them they don’t give out that information. More compliance. Fewer bribes. I heard stories of business owners in the outlying regions coming to their shops in the morning only to find doors padlocked. One unfortunate soul was forced to pony up $3000 to facilitate removal…
I spent days wandering the streets with no particular aim or destination. It all fascinated me, nothing more so than the fact almost every male citizen looked like a mafia don or hitman. I snapped dozens of photos, added absurd biographic details. It entertained me to no end. Turns out, it’s illegal to take photos without permission. Whoopsie. In the recent past, journalists took compromising shots of government officials sleeping on the job. Their response was to pass an absurd regulation forbidding such scandalous behavior…
1828 - Turkmanchay treaty between Russia, Persia divides Azerbaijan. Territory of present-day Azerbaijan becomes part of Russian empire while southern Azerbaijan is part of Persia.
1848-49 - World's first oil well is drilled south of Baku.
1879 - Nobel brothers set up oil-production company.
1918 - Independent Azerbaijani Republic declared.
1920 - Red Army invades; Azerbaijan is declared a Soviet Socialist Republic
Soviet rule
1922 - Azerbaijan, part of Transcaucasian Soviet Federative Republic…
We strolled to his humble abode through an actual ghost town. Most houses were abandoned, unsuitable even for phantoms. I tried to imagine the palpable eeriness of the wee hours, deciding the scene was the perfect setting for a horror film. At Arif's home, his cousin , Letif, ushered us up the ladder stairs to the second floor. They were downright giddy, falling over themselves in the name of hospitality, literally in Letif's case. He tumbled down the stairs…