221 - Smile Because It Happened… Asshole
221 - Smile Because It Happened… Asshole

So, I sit, and I dream of more. Not because I deserve more. Not because I feel entitled. Not because I need more. (I do.) Only because a hundred lifetimes would be insufficient to “suck out all the marrow of life.” That’s the triumph and the tragedy of our existence, whether or not we choose to face it. There’s a moment or period in everyone's life they treasure. It may be a minute or a year, but it’s there. And that moment, that feeling, that sense of comprehension, is a feeling like no other and trumps any drug out there. If you’re lucky, moments of triumph outnumber moments of tragedy. And if you’re really lucky, you have the good sense and good fortune to cherish that remarkable circumstance because, in the blink of an eye, someday it will all be over…

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Batch 38, miscRich Plumadore
…or was I? (Indonesia to Turkey)
…or was I? (Indonesia to Turkey)

The power of language is undeniable. How evocative the act of arranging letters in a particular order can be. CIA. FBI. NSA. DIA. AIA. ASA. NRO. Betcha you’re not sure what all of those represent. Don’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t reflect poorly on your intelligence.

If what I am intimating has even a modicum of veracity, I’d be out of my fucking gourd to write about it… or would I? Everyone has a breaking point, a point when one can no longer swallow the bullshit and finds themselves compelled to speak. Perhaps I’d reached that stage… or did I?

Who likes timelines? From January to August 2009, I was in Indonesia. Curious timing, wouldn’t you say? On July 17th, 2009, two separate bombs…

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misc, Batch 38by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacsecret agent man
220 - Proverbial Horizon (Bozcaada to Cappadocia, Turkey)
220 - Proverbial Horizon (Bozcaada to Cappadocia, Turkey)

Over the course of a week, we explored by car and on foot. By day, we’d explore the culture and geology of Goreme’s surrounding areas and beyond. By night, we ate delicious food, drank ridiculously sweet tea, and puffed on a hooka until nausea set in. Although there were a fair amount of tourists, most were of the tour bus lazy-ass variety, which meant for the most interesting hikes, we had the area to ourselves. I knew Cappadocia would be interesting, but I underestimated its magical quality. Get there while the weather is cool and before the hoards descend. You’ll not be disappointed. Crannies to inspect, caves to spelunk, and phallic “fairy” chimneys to ponder….

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Turkey, Batch 38by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacTurkey, Bozcaada, Cappadocia, Goreme, fairy chimneys
219 - Wandering the 'Bul (Istanbul, Turkey)
219 - Wandering the 'Bul (Istanbul, Turkey)

I defy you to visit Istanbul and not drink a shit ton of tea or smoke an assload of hookah. It’s a cultural hotbed of social interaction and almost feels like a requirement, though a pleasant one at that… until you make yourself nauseous from tobacco. Also, I’m surprised I have any teeth remaining after guzzling tea equal parts sugar and water.  

If Taksim Square is Istanbul’s heart, then Istiklal Avenue is its main artery. One can find anything and everything—shops, restaurants, cafes, bars, theaters, galleries, etc. I patrolled this thoroughfare no less than 1.32 million times. With Istanbul being the cosmopolitan “East meets West nexus,” anonymity is easy to attain, even for a 6’4” goofball American….

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Batch 37, Turkeyby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacIstanbul, Taksim Square, Istiklal Avenue, Body Worlds, Plastination
218 - Medical Tourism (Istanbul, Turkey)
218 - Medical Tourism (Istanbul, Turkey)

Acibadem Fulya, the hospital in Istanbul, was the newest addition to the network. It had only been operating for six months. Everything was brand spanking new, and it was the nicest hospital I’ve ever visited. They have a specific “check-up” department, using  the English phrase “check-up” on the signage. I arrived and checked in at the reception desk. Although the clerical staff spoke very little English, they provided a liaison who’d lived in Houston, Texas for twenty-five years.  All the doctors also spoke English.

First, I had blood drawn, blood pressure measurements, height, weight, etc.  Next was a visit to…

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Batch 37, Turkeyby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacAcibadem FulyaIstanbul, Medical Tourism
217 - And Then There Was One…
217 - And Then There Was One…

My feelings evolved. In the ensuing years, I experienced deep regrets and emotions that often threatened to overwhelm me in an instant. I wasn’t afraid she still had feelings for me, that she still needed me. I was afraid she didn’t, and I couldn’t bear the truth. 

I’d fallen down an abandoned well of despair, one I believed I’d never escape. I didn’t want to see Leslie again. I needed to see her again. My life came to a standstill, an existential limbo. I thought of her life. What are you doing right now? Who are you doing it with? Do you ever think of me? Of us? Do you still have a warm place in your heart for our time together? Such thoughts could and would send me into a downward spiral that took days to recover from…

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Batch 37, South Africa, miscby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacLove, Friendship
216 - Victoria Falls (Livingstone, Zambia)
216 - Victoria Falls (Livingstone, Zambia)

Arrive a few weeks later and the torrent will be obscured by mist. I happen to think it was the perfect time, a compelling medium between peak thunder and relative dry-season trickle. Most prefer the dry season when the Zambian side withers and one can walk across the edge to Livingstone Island. Ideally, you’d visit twice to appreciate both perspectives, but if I had to choose, I’d go when the cascade is near full force and borderline deafening. Stupefying… that’s the word.

We forked over the dough for a boat trip to Livingston Island for a look-see and a private breakfast. (We’re worth it.) After donning rain gear, our guide brought us to the edge of madness for a peek into the abyss. Another word: awesome. My heart skipped several beats…

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Batch 37, Zambiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacVictoria Falls, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Livingstone
215 - Nine Lions And Some Yippee-ki-yay (Okavango Delta, Botswana)
215 - Nine Lions And Some Yippee-ki-yay (Okavango Delta, Botswana)

If you stay calm, make no sudden movements, and stay seated, everything is hunkey dorey. Do something stupid like stand up, and you’re no longer a part of the solid mass. You’re singular, distinct, and could be perceived as a threat. Not a good position near lion cubs. Stories were passed around later about an unfortunate soul who stood up in a similar vehicle near a leopard, instigating a vicious attack that left the occupants alive but severely injured. No one wants to be that asshole.

At the outset, two other vehicles shared the space, but we found ourselves alone after thirty minutes. This astonished me…

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Batch 37, Botswanaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacOkavango Delta, Botswana, Kwando Safaris, Kwara Camp
214 - Kwara Camp (Okavango Delta, Botswana)
214 - Kwara Camp (Okavango Delta, Botswana)

After some research, we went with Kwando Safaris, choosing a two-night affair at their Kwara Camp. The package includes flights in and out of the Delta… because we’re that fucking important. No better way to grasp the beauty and size of the Okavango than by air. During the wet season, the view is spectacular. We were supposed to land on an airstrip ten minutes from camp, but the rains made it unserviceable, so we were forced to start an hour and a half away. This was of no import, more of a feature than a bug. The ride turned into an extra safari in an area straight out of a postcard.

Kwara Camp is inside Kwando's private concession, which means they have exclusive rights to the area (i.e. no large tourist herds)…

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Batch 37, Botswanaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacKwara Camp, Kwando Safaris, Okavango Delta
213 - Farting Rhino, Grumpy Lion (Etosha National Park, Namibia)
213 - Farting Rhino, Grumpy Lion (Etosha National Park, Namibia)

Animals or not, the park is captivating, more so without the crowds. The first day we saw little, but our time wasn’t spent in vain. Just being there, looking out across the great Etosha Pan and drifting along the grass-lined dirt roads while attempting (once again) to avoid getting Sparky stuck in the mud, was exhilarating. Spotting a giraffe and rhino didn’t hurt.

Back at camp, we ate dinner and made our way to the floodlit waterhole to sip wine and, hopefully, meet local denizens. We sat for the better part of an hour, but no one came to drink. Then, Leslie and I thought we heard something from a dark corner just on the other side of the protective fence facing away from the floodlight.…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacEtosha National Park
212 - Uber German & A Few Clicks (Erongo Province, Namibia)
212 - Uber German & A Few Clicks (Erongo Province, Namibia)

We considered exploring the Skeleton Coast but declined for a few reasons. We’d read conflicting reports about permit requirements and were unsure where to acquire one. Second, lodging was an issue. We had our tent but weren’t quite ready to take the training wheels off. Third, the locals we questioned all had the same answer, “Why would you want to do that?” And last but not least, it was reportedly not Spark-friendly terrain. We attempted to exchange the Spark for a 4WD Toyota Hilux, but Avis shit all over that notion. Besides setting us back two kidneys and a liver, it would’ve fomented confusion on a biblical scale. (For Avis, not us). And yet, I have the distinct feeling we missed something remarkable, an experience well worth the hassle. Poop…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacErongo Province, Swakopmund, Skeleton Coast, Khorixas, Khoekhoe
211 - Dune 45, Sossusvlei, & Carmy (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)
211 - Dune 45, Sossusvlei, & Carmy (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)

Leslie and I loitered on the pile for the better part of three hours… The shadows. The colors. The wind. The air. All conspired to beguile, to captivate. I explored the far side, careful not to disturb the perfection that defined the dune’s wind-swept razor edge. I also did my best not to pass out from forging through the all that goddamned sand.

The best way to conclude your Dune 45 experience? By tearing ass down the side without going ass over teakettle. Psychological regression is unavoidable. I estimate my maturity level bottomed out somewhere between five and six years of age. Dune 45 is also a time machine. Yes, it is….

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Namibia, Batch 36by Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNAMIB DESERT, Namib-Naukluft National Park, Dune 45, Sesriem, Sossusvlei, Walvis Bay
210 - Mayhem & Sesriem (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)
210 - Mayhem & Sesriem (Namib-Naukluft National Park, Namibia)

Am I dumb? Aye. Malicious? Nyet. And, as I saw nary a trace of foliage that could be damaged, I believed such deviations were permissible. Otherwise, I doubt we would’ve parked the car, erected a large multi-colored beach umbrella, and savored peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a few hundred meters from the road. Stupid? Yessir. Insolent? No way.

After all, do you think I wanted to honor the Asshole American stereotype? Negative, ghost rider. I have a deep-seated respect for nature and its preservation, so I can say honestly I thought my act innocuous. The Namibian couple employed by one of the lodges who approached us soon after…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacSesriem, Namib-Naukluft National Park, Asshole American
209 - Being In Nothingness (Luderitz to Tsauchab River Camp, Namibia)
209 - Being In Nothingness (Luderitz to Tsauchab River Camp, Namibia)

We were mesmerized by the forlorn expansiveness, all the while crossing our fingers and hoping Sparky had the constitution to surmount any and all obstacles ahead. It performed admirably considering the terrain, but even Superman has his kryptonite. Some areas had become temporary streams in the recent past and had deposited a significant amount of sand in the road. One particularly large deposit proved too much. 

I was forced to access my bottomless database of off-roading experience (sarcasm alert) to extricate Sparky from the quagmire. If ensuring the car would never escape the sand under its own power was my aim, my efforts were an overwhelming success…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacLuderitz, Tsauchab River Camp, Garub train station, Tsau Khaeb National Park, Angra Point, Griffith Bay, Chrysaora fulgid, Naukluft Mountains
208 - Into the Void (Hobas to Keetmanshoop, Namibia)
208 - Into the Void (Hobas to Keetmanshoop, Namibia)

In the morning, we went for a drive to the canyon’s edge. This nearly ended in catastrophe. Instead of heading to the main viewpoint, we followed a road along the canyon rim that looked tantalizing. We didn’t realize how far the track led. First, we saw a sign reading eight kilometers, followed by another twelve-kilometer sign eight kilometers down the road. Um, right. It’s like we were being lured into disaster.

On the way in, neither of us noticed another sign with the words “4x4-ish” on it. 4x4-ish? The Spark didn’t qualify. I’d describe it as “4x2-ish.” On the way down an incline, I had a sinking feeling (pun intended). The gradient, although moderate at best, combined with an abundance of larger rocks began setting off alarm bells. Danger Will Robinson!…

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Batch 36, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNamibia, Fish River Canyon
207 - Namibia Timeline
207 - Namibia Timeline

1488 - Portuguese explorer Bartolomeu Dias visits.

1886-90 - Present international boundaries established by German treaties with Portugal and Britain. Germany annexes the territory as South West Africa.

1892-1905 - Suppression of uprisings against German colonial occupation by Herero and Nama peoples. Possibly 60,000, or 80% of the Herero population, are killed, leaving some 15,000 starving refugees in an act that independent Namibia has deemed an act of genocide.

South African occupation

1915 - South Africa takes over territory during First World War.

1920 - League of Nations grants South Africa mandate to govern South West Africa (SWA)…

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Batch 35, Namibiaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNamibia
206 - Great “Whites” & Cow Shit Campsite (Gansbaai to Hermanus, South Africa)
206 - Great “Whites” & Cow Shit Campsite (Gansbaai to Hermanus, South Africa)

After Gansbaai, we drove north to Hermanus, a city by the sea and premiere whale-watching hub. Tourists invade the town every year to get their fix. Luckily, ’twas not the season, so all was quiet. We spent an evening at Zoete Inval Travellers Lodge run by a quirky fella, if by “quirky” I mean unapologetically racist. He’d have to be to open up with strangers about the decay of Hermanus after being overrun by “them.” According to Mr. Purebred, “They think they own the place.” Wowie.

Why patronize such an establishment and not stomp off in protest? Well, let me tell you. It was all part of the experience, and in many ways, reflected South Africa’s enormous cultural challenges. And, frankly, I was intrigued….

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacGANSBAAI, Hermanus, South Africa
205 - Dinner with Madiba (Cape Town, South Africa)
205 - Dinner with Madiba (Cape Town, South Africa)

Lesser men may have succumbed to the thirst for revenge or the perceived imperative for karmic “justice.” Mandela was a different breed, the rarest of rare. He was sure of one thing—the only way for South Africa to recover and move toward prosperity was through forgiveness and reconciliation. And he knew the eyes of the world were on him. It was up to him to lead the way. And that’s exactly what he did from the moment he became a free man.

I could point to any number of actions, not the least of which was Mandela’s establishment of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission after becoming president, to underscore his commitment to forgiveness and the progress he believed would result therefrom, but I think the following anecdote says it all…

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacNelson Mandela, Cape Town, South Africa
204 - Good Hope On The Table (Cape Town, South Africa)
204 - Good Hope On The Table (Cape Town, South Africa)

The next morning, we drove to the Cape of Good Hope with a breakfast picnic on a spectacular beach along the way.  Even the three lumps of sand in our coffee, courtesy of the wind, weren’t enough to spoil that scene. If I had to recommend a “must do,” it would be renting a car and driving out to the Cape with plenty of stops. Take it slow. Take it in.  Stand upon the cliffs near Cape Point and let the breeze envelop you, the shimmering azure sea mesmerize you, and try to imagine being the first human to lay eyes upon it. Yessir, ma’am.

Your only problem will be tearing yourself away. Get there as early as possible, and do your best to beat the crowds.…

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Batch 35, South Africaby Mr. Nos T. O'maniacCape Town, South Africa, Table Mountain, Cape of Good Hope, Cape Point
A Place to Be…
A Place to Be…

Just beneath a calming sea

Churns a dark uncertainty

A war against life’s entropy

A soul without a place to be

‘To be or not to be’ you see

Propels our raw humanity

An existential shopping spree

To find that perfect place to be

Universal Truth Decree:

I’m like you and you’re like me…

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misc, Batch 35by Mr. Nos T. O'maniac